I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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