I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
