I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
