I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
