Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I need moral support for this bender
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize