One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
