Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
