You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
