Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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