dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Randomize
