Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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