there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
