Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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