U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
