i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
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