moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
