Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
