Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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