More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
If its not for food we ain't going out.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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