That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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