the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
