I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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