My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
