So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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