Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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