I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
