Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
