zippers are such a cool invention
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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