i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
