im having a threesome with these popsicles
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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