Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
