Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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