Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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