Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
oh god the rape fog is back!
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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