Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
