please come you make the beer taste better
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
