Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
