nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
