drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
