He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
