You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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