just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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