Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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