I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
We got so high we made milksteak
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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