don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I have demons in me.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
