O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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