I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Send help, water and tortillas.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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