I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
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