so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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