How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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