maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Randomize
