At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Let's get the cat blown out
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
