We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
