i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
