i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
