The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
