I am in a vortex of obligation.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
