yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
