I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
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