Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize