Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
