the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
