Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
