I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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