9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
