Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
