i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
