I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
