When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Terrible idea I love it
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
