I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
